The Gift of Giving AND Receiving
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always excelled at giving.
Giving makes me feel good. Some might say that’s selfish, but I know it also makes the person on the receiving end feel good. It’s a circle that connects us and has the potential to lift us both up.
It’s a gift to be able to give to others.
For that reason, I give assistance willingly, I give of my time and resources when I can, and I give generously of praise, gratitude, and compliments.
Unfortunately, I haven’t always been able to say the same about my ability to receive. Until recently, if you tried to give anything to me, I would practically throw the gift back in your face.
I didn’t know how to receive gifts, gratitude, or compliments.
I rarely accepted gifts graciously because I wasn’t in a position to reciprocate. I felt the need to return the “favor” (because I did view it as a favor), rather than accept the item for what it was—a gift from someone who had no expectation of receiving anything in return.
Nor did I accept gratitude very well. Most days I shrugged it off with the attitude that I was just doing my job or acting in a way that any decent human being would act.
And compliments? Ha! Forget it! You obviously need new glasses and aren’t seeing me through the same low self-esteem lens that I’ve filtered the image of myself through over the years.
The bottom line is that I didn’t feel worthy of receiving. I wanted to be the giver. That’s what fed my feel-good vibrations.
I didn’t realize it was also a gift to receive.
But through my self-healing process, things became clearer to me (obviously, it was me who needed the new glasses!). If I enjoyed giving, then so did others.
By not gratefully receiving these gifts, I was breaking that circle that could lift us both up.
So I tried an experiment. Not only did I begin to accept gifts from others, but I became less afraid of asking others for help and assistance when I needed it.
And you know what? People wanted to help. People wanted to give things to me. I was amazed!
Don’t get me wrong. It’s hard and challenges me. Most days I still feel the need to return a ‘favor’ when I receive something without giving to that person first. That’s my nature.
But I can now receive without feeling undeserving. I know I am worthy of receiving and I know there will be plenty of opportunities to give and/or to “pay it forward.” I’ve stopped breaking that circle that raises the vibrations of everyone involved, and I’ve learned that both giving and receiving are gifts to be shared.
4 Comments
Meg
Yay! This is so exciting! I made a change, one day in my preteen years, when a friend’s Mom put the pizza guy on hold in the middle of ordering to make sure she got my real opinion on what topping I would like. After that phone call, she sat with me to discuss my need to ask for what I want so that people know. I deserve to have the things that I want because I’m just as amazing as the people around me. This was a tough idea for me as a child with seven siblings.
Also, I totally remember seeing that battle on your face when you were suffering from hyperemesis and I offered to walk your eldest to school or have her over after school to give you extra time to rest. I knew what you were feeling and I knew that I couldn’t convince you. Instead you came up with a convincing reason for you to continue to suffer every morning and afternoon. I am very happy to know that you are changing your ability to receive. You totally deserve it!
litlightworker
You’re so right. I felt it would be an imposition on you. I remember you also cooking dinner when we learned that my ex had cancer (he’s been clear now over 5 years, thank goodness!) and I was so touched and grateful, while still feeling embarrassed that you’d gone to all that trouble on our account. Even your message is a gift! It brought tears to my eyes remembering how I wouldn’t let anyone help me when I needed it, and at your generosity.
I enjoyed hearing your own story of learning this lesson. I’ve just shared it (and your message) with my daughters, with the hopes that they will learn it earlier in life than I did. So thankful for the gift of your friendship, Meg! Wish you were still in the area!
Neelie Wicks
I can relate to this post so much. I love to give and positively do not like to receive. I will try and look at this as you now do Rebecca. Neelie x
litlightworker
I think most of us feel this way, Neelie. I hope that you’re able to receive gifts in the future in the same way that you so generously give to others.